Nicole Reads A Lot

so many books, so little time

The King of Threadneedle Street by Moriah Densley

on January 4, 2014
Title:
The King of Threadneedle Street
Author:Moriah Densley
PublisheresKape Press
Publication Date:December 2013
Publisher's DescriptionHe owns three shipping companies, a diamond mine, and his own castle.
He knows Portuguese, Hindi, Mandarin and Morse code.
His assets net thirteen million.

Everyone thinks Andrew Tilmore, Lord Preston, the financial prodigy dubbed “The King of Threadneedle Street,” has it all, but he wants the one prize money can’t buy: his childhood sweetheart.

Alysia Villier can’t say if it’s worse having Andrew’s father in control of her inheritance or Andrew in control of her heart. He’s ruined her for any other man, but she simply can’t give in to him. She knows he’s destined for great things — marrying a courtesan’s daughter would jeopardize everything he stands for.

Keeping Alysia out of trouble and away from eager suitors becomes a cross-continental quest for Andrew, and he won’t be stopped by his old-fashioned family or the disapproval of the ton. After all, he’s a man with the power to play newspapers and investors like pawns, tumble world markets and incite riots… but can he win the biggest gamble of his life?
My rating:**.5

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This book is as dramatic as a SoapNet (RIP SoapNet) marathon, and contains about as much logic. I didn’t mind it while I was reading it, but when I thought about it afterwards, I realized that a solid 85% of it was unbelievably illogical. Why would a man raise his mistress’s child alongside his own children? Having done this, why would he then object to his teenage son falling in love with the mistress’s beautiful daughter? Having seen this happen, why would he try to use the concepts of familial obedience and honor to dissuade his son from marrying his love? Wouldn’t having one’s mistress openly reside WITH ONE’S FAMILY already tarnished the family’s name for at least a generation? And what is up with Andrew’s mother? How can a woman who at the beginning of this novel is portrayed as being incapable of performing the most routine hostessing duties manage to so capably vex his supposedly brilliant son with her marriage-minded scheming? And why would a paragon of tonnish virtue would repeatedly try to sic a fortune-hunting ho-bag on her own son? And what kind of stock exchange/black wizardry is responsible for the money-related goings-on in this novel? He’s rich? He’s poor! He’s richer!!!! Or something.

The bottom line here is that nothing that takes place within this novel makes any sense if thought about for more than two seconds. Characters change on a dime, as is needed to further whatever scene is currently taking place. This book is utterly ridiculous, but as it only cost $.99, I’m not too bothered by this. Here’s what would have happened if this book made sense:

Andrew: I love you. You love me. Our three-year age difference becomes increasingly less creepy the closer you get to twenty. Let’s get married.

Alysia: Your parents won’t approve. I’m the illegitimate daughter of your father’s mistress.

Andrew: I don’t care my parents. Frankly, they’re irredeemably awful. Let’s go to Gretna Green, get married, come back to England, live our lives, and dare them to shun us in front of society. I’m like Donald Trump with better hair and and a soul and you’re like Frieda Kahlo with less self-confidence and no unibrow.

Alysia: I don’t get any of those references, but since you often speak in code, I’m not going to worry too much about it. Yes, I’ll marry you.

Boom goes the dynamite! The end.

Of course, this would have changed this story from a novel into the treatment for an entirely different novel, but hey, I’d read that book, too.


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